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Flo Rida Still An Idiot… Now With New Tech



Great news! Unless you actually like and respect electronic music as mouth breathing pseudo-rapper Flo Rida (see what he did there? Genius) has unveiled a new piece of music equipment he claims is going to revolutionize music in the latest in a long line of attacks it seems the alleged plagiarist has made on the scene. Not content with throwing diva style tantrums at festivals, murdering classic samples and ripping off video ideas it appears Flo Rida’s latest assault on dance music is via technological means as he introduces to his concept of ‘Beamz By Flo’. Note the ‘Z’ at the end for urban edginess, Beamz By Flo is the latest piece of kit to feature a rappers name behind it and claims to be “the hottest music technology to hit the market”. So what is it? Well from what we can gather Beamz works much in the same way as a lazer harp does but without the subtleties that make watching Jean Michel Jarre at the helm so mesmerizing. Basically the product allows you to  ‘make music’ by moving your hands through laser beams pre-programmed with songs.

As Flo himself puts it: “Whether your fantasy’s to be a rock hero, a DJ thrilling the crowd, or you just want to fulfil your dreams of playing the music you love, you have to try my Beamz for yourself.” But wait there’s more,  in true US infomercial style Flo Rida offers consumers a no quibble 30-day money back guarantee on the $199 retail price and promises of additional add on “DJ technology” to take your Beamz performance to the next level.

If your still not sold yet let us give you more words of wisdom from the reincarnation of Shakespeare himself with Flo asking us “Why spend thousands of dollars on music equipment or frustrating music lessons when you can get Flo’s Beamz and perform your favourite music instantly?”  Further money can be saved on the money fans would have inevitably spent purchasing many of the preloaded tracks which include such hits as Taylor Swift’s We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together and Flo Rida’s own Whistle.

Not one to shirk the responsibility of confronting such idiocy and the effect the likes of Flo Rida have on the scene it didn’t take long for Canadian motormouth Deadmau5 to call out the new technology with a series of well aimed tweets starting with “Well…fuck. so much for my career…the futures here. shit… save me an opening slot at least ” before adding “Seriously though… at least at one point during that commercial shoot, Flo must been like “man… someone might see this… mmmnahhhhhhh fuckit,”  and then ramping up the sarcasm by tweeting “.@beamzmusic im in. ill sell out, i dont give a fuck. I’ll do your next advert. 7 million. cash. unmarked bills. #tourmoney”. 

So if you could do with a good cringe, lower any expectations you might have, brace yourself and check out the advert below. Meanwhile we’ll tell Flo to stick his Beamz, where the erm, Beamz don’t shine…

Grahame Farmer

Grahame Farmer’s love affair with electronic music goes back to the mid-90s when he first began to venture into the UK’s beloved rave culture, finding himself interlaced with some of the country’s most seminal club spaces. A trip to dance music’s anointed holy ground of Ibiza in 1997 then cemented his sense of purpose and laid the foundations for what was to come over the next few decades of his marriage to the music industry.

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